My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
