She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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