My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
