your thong is hanging out like whoa
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Even my vagina gasped.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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