Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
