I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
