I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
