Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
