no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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