you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
