Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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