Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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