oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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