I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
They took my balls.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
