I heard we made out
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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