did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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