I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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