I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
