She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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