i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
