had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
