Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
