he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
