Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
