I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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