there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In other news, I just burned my penis
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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