2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
did you just send me my own nude
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
