I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
