Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
