At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
