i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
