I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
