After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
