there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
