Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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