Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
