Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
