Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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