I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
