How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
