RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
