Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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