I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
me + whiskey = a bad person
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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