its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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