WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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