dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
only you would photoshop your dick
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
