you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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