How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just puked most of my soul out..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
