Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
