You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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