You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
