Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
